And Life Rolls On...

I feel like my head has been overflowing with thoughts lately. It's like this crazy whirlpool of positive, negative, and everything in between. I've never felt so... complicated! Let's take a little tour of my brain for a moment, shall we?

My hair is falling out at an accelerated rate. I am 25. I am female. This is NOT acceptable. The shampoo I used to use has disappeared off the market for a while so I have been forced to spend MORE money to find a suitable substitute. I think I may have found one, but I need to wait for this Holiday business to be over before I can receive said shampoo in the mail. So I sit here now, pulling strands out of my head every time I run my fingers through my hair, and it's absolutely maddening.

I have obtained a job. It's at Peet's Coffee and Tea and while that's all fine and dandy, it still will probably be JUST enough for me to survive. I'm not complaining really, because if you can survive in California, you're not doing too badly, but honestly... I can't wait for school to be over so I can start my career as an Esthetician and work on THRIVING instead of surviving.

Girls suck. There are reasons that I am very particular about my female friends and I am just being given so many examples to reinforce that finickiness lately that it's shocking. Of course, my class is ALL females, with the exception of the cute little gay boy that we get in a few weeks, so it's no wonder I am completely overwhelmed by the backstabbing effects of cramming estrogen producing creatures like sardines into a 5-day-a-week class. I just want to know... what is so bad, really, about saying exactly what you feel to someone's face? Why hide that shit? It doesn't stay hidden you know. It rears its ugly head in the form of a tension so thick, you could take a spoon to it and force feed it down someone's throat... so why? And what's with the girl-competition bullshit? I don't give a flying fig what you're doing or if it's better than what I'm doing. I don't care if you try to rub my nose in it because honestly, I just don't care about you, your life, or how you are trying to get me down, piss me off, or show me how much better than me you think you are. I am living MY life for ME, not YOU, and you'd do well to do the same. Seriously. Focus on yourself and happiness will follow... good lord.

My past gets to me sometimes. There are some people that I hurt for stupid reasons. I suppose it was because I was young and dumb. LOL. That statement cracks me up. Young and dumb. I'm 25 for crying out loud... but those scenarios seem so long ago. Some of them are still my friends, while others still harbor such a hate for me that it breaks my heart. I try not to focus on it, but there are some days when it just seeps in like a ninja and takes my breath away.

I miss my friends. I feel as though I find all of these amazing people everywhere I go and then eventually I leave... and I leave a piece of myself. I feel so full of love some days, and then others I feel completely empty because the people who make my life so fucking beautiful are so far away. I'm not a cuddly person, but there are days when I just want to grab like, 5 of my very closest friends and dog pile with them... just to have the closeness. It's almost like I'm deprived or something. *lol*

I am a gypsy. A wanderer. A nomad. I need to accept this and the people in my life need to understand it. I am already thinking of where I am going to go from here. Am I going to stay in California? Go to Oregon? Maybe get CIDESCO certified and travel the world for a minute? I need to stop collecting junk because it is SO tiring to move it with me every time I get a hair up my ass to leave... and I need to stop getting so fucking close to people because, as I stated above, I love my friends very deeply and I hate leaving them.

I live in California now, so I am going to throw this out there for everyone who wasn't already aware of the fact. I smoke marijuana. I have for a very long time and I am not going to stop doing it now or any time soon. I used to take Zoloft for my anxiety and depression but I find smoking a bowl just works better for me. And who the HELL could NOT be anxiety ridden in this fucking world? Our world is scary and uncertain. But when I smoke, especially with my friends, I can slow down and stop focusing on all the violence and sadness and just BE HAPPY. I don't blow a ton of money on it. I don't smoke before I go to work or school. I am responsible. And if you have an issue with it, we just won't discuss it now will we? *lol*

GUYS SUCK. I don't think I need to elaborate here?

You know, oddly enough, this blog vomit has made me feel a little better. My heterosexual life mate should be calling me soon so I will spew the rest of it on her then, but for now, this has helped. I felt like my head was going to explode. Now. It's off to be a girl. I'm going to give myself a sweet pedicure, dye my bangs (if the fuckers would stop falling OUT!), play with some makeup, and listen to some rad music. Hell, I might even go sit in the sunshine in a dress... cuz California is just beautiful. <3

Two Months in California...

The two month mark will be on tuesday, but I'm going to go ahead and write this now because I'm sitting in my room with nothing better to do. LOL.

SO I am now on two months in glorious San Jose and I'm telling you, I love it here. I think I finally secured a job and honestly, taking a month to find one is not THAT bad. A month to find a job is not that bad at all actually. And it will be at Peet's Coffee and Tea which is fabulous because I know what I'm doing when it comes to caffeine. ;)

School is going really well. I feel as though I have found such a sweet calling... and I am making some really fantastic friends in class too, and that is always a bonus. I also have a boyfriend. His name is David and he is really sweet, totally kick ass, really laid back and easy going, and all around awesome sauce. He, like me, has a past he is in the middle of taking care of so we are pretty good support for one another. Plus, we have a lot in common... and a lot that we differ on so he keeps me on my toes. ^_^

Now, a lot of you are going to read this and be like "Whoa girl. You're still married and just left two months ago. WTF?" And to this I say... I am only married on paper. As sad as it may be, I realized a while ago that my heart just wasn't in my marriage anymore. Not to mention Travis HAS a girlfriend now too and she WAS a mutual friend of ours. Not gonna lie, that stung me just a little bit, but what can I say? I'm the one who left and I have absolutely no business judging what he does to find happiness, just like he has no say in mine either. We are still friends, we do not talk about certain things, and thats that. We never asked anyone to take sides nor will we ever... so everyone should just simmer down, accept that BOTH OF US have new romantic interests, and continue to be our friends. <3

I guess my only complaint right now is that it's stupid cold still and it's June! *lol*

After One Month in California...

Ok so I'm a few days early, but who cares right?

I moved to San Jose on April 7th with very few belongings and my dog. I had big huge plans and hopes and dreams... and I am proud to say that I am accomplishing them all. I enrolled into the Marinello School of Beauty to become an Esthetician and I LOVE it so far. The students in my class are really cool, my professor is awesome, and I am interested in EVERYTHING we are learning. Its so refreshing to sit in class and actually want to pay attention! And I am currently trying to find a part time job to supplement my little bills. I'm hoping that will happen soon because San Jose is fucking expensive. But I see why... there are flowers everywhere. Green trees everywhere. There is a TON of stuff to do! Santa Cruz is literally a half an hour away and San Francisco is about 40 minutes. Great America is right up in Santa Clara which happens to be where my school is too. I LOVE IT HERE. <3

That being said, I would not be making this so well if it wasn't for William, Jess, and Richard. William was kind enough to share his space with me, Jess was kind enough to be my friend almost instantly and give me a spot in the shop with her, and Richard has graciously provided means of transportation for me. I am now riding a little 125cc scooter around but believe you me... that little thing kicks ass. It takes MAYBE 3 bucks to fill it and I am all over the south bay area. If I can get there without getting on a freeway, I am good to go. And it is so much damn fun to ride! The breeze, smelling all the flowers... Oh and I joined a gym! Yes, yes I did. My first day was today and due to my ankle, I couldn't do much, but I did ride five miles and it felt glorious...

I am meeting amazing people. When I say amazing, I mean AMAZING! I can't believe some of the awesome people that have just dropped into my life. I can't wait to have all of my awesome friends back in Arizona meet my awesome friends here. And I feel closer to Arthur now more than ever. He is everywhere here. I know he is with us in our home, watching over the four of us, knowing that we still love him and he was the first thing we all had in common with one another.

I miss you all you know. I may be having a really good run out here, but I miss you all very very much. I miss my shop, I miss my clients, I miss my family... but this was something I needed to do. I know I made the right decision because this feels right. I feel happy. I feel content. I feel like I am on the right path. I know that even though I caused pain, I did the right thing. I hope that down the road, everyone will understand it and accept it... because I am doing this for myself and I am not giving it up for anyone.

Peace.

Super Bowl... It Should Be a Holiday.

Ah, Super Bowl Sunday. What a glorious day.

This is a day when friends and family can gather and eat disgusting amounts of amazing fried foods and scream like a pack of rabid hyenas at the tv screen and NOT feel any guilt or remorse whatsoever. Its a beautiful thing. So in honor of this glorious day, I am now going to post a few of my favorite recipes (all fried of course!) for you to enjoy on this, or any other day of the year.

Deep Fried Dill Pickles- These are just fucking delicious. Seriously. I've had spears and chips and I gotta tell ya, the chips are a much better option. They are easier to eat and they cool down much faster.

Crab Cakes- Um, hell yeah! Give me some tartar sauce and some lemon wedges and I'll nom some crab cakes. Just go easy on the onion yeah? Don't wanna overpower the amazingness of the crab...

 Deep Fried TWINKIE- No words are necessary here. Just know that if you can find a raspberry compote to dip it in, yer in for a heavenly experience.

 Deep Fried Pepperoni- I didn't include a recipe cuz this one is rather simple. They come out like delicious little chips of doom and taste great dipped in ranch.

 Deep Fried Mac and Cheese- This is the holy grail for me. Fried foods are a comfort food for most, and so is macaroni and cheese. Put the two together and BAM!... perfect chemistry. The only way to make this even better is to crumble some heavily smoked bacon and throw it in the mac and cheese before the frying occurs. Total perfection.

Now... I'm going to go cry because I'm trying really hard to cut back on my intake of these fried delights and writing this was utter torture.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday ya'll.

(go Steelers.) ;)