And Life Rolls On...

I feel like my head has been overflowing with thoughts lately. It's like this crazy whirlpool of positive, negative, and everything in between. I've never felt so... complicated! Let's take a little tour of my brain for a moment, shall we?

My hair is falling out at an accelerated rate. I am 25. I am female. This is NOT acceptable. The shampoo I used to use has disappeared off the market for a while so I have been forced to spend MORE money to find a suitable substitute. I think I may have found one, but I need to wait for this Holiday business to be over before I can receive said shampoo in the mail. So I sit here now, pulling strands out of my head every time I run my fingers through my hair, and it's absolutely maddening.

I have obtained a job. It's at Peet's Coffee and Tea and while that's all fine and dandy, it still will probably be JUST enough for me to survive. I'm not complaining really, because if you can survive in California, you're not doing too badly, but honestly... I can't wait for school to be over so I can start my career as an Esthetician and work on THRIVING instead of surviving.

Girls suck. There are reasons that I am very particular about my female friends and I am just being given so many examples to reinforce that finickiness lately that it's shocking. Of course, my class is ALL females, with the exception of the cute little gay boy that we get in a few weeks, so it's no wonder I am completely overwhelmed by the backstabbing effects of cramming estrogen producing creatures like sardines into a 5-day-a-week class. I just want to know... what is so bad, really, about saying exactly what you feel to someone's face? Why hide that shit? It doesn't stay hidden you know. It rears its ugly head in the form of a tension so thick, you could take a spoon to it and force feed it down someone's throat... so why? And what's with the girl-competition bullshit? I don't give a flying fig what you're doing or if it's better than what I'm doing. I don't care if you try to rub my nose in it because honestly, I just don't care about you, your life, or how you are trying to get me down, piss me off, or show me how much better than me you think you are. I am living MY life for ME, not YOU, and you'd do well to do the same. Seriously. Focus on yourself and happiness will follow... good lord.

My past gets to me sometimes. There are some people that I hurt for stupid reasons. I suppose it was because I was young and dumb. LOL. That statement cracks me up. Young and dumb. I'm 25 for crying out loud... but those scenarios seem so long ago. Some of them are still my friends, while others still harbor such a hate for me that it breaks my heart. I try not to focus on it, but there are some days when it just seeps in like a ninja and takes my breath away.

I miss my friends. I feel as though I find all of these amazing people everywhere I go and then eventually I leave... and I leave a piece of myself. I feel so full of love some days, and then others I feel completely empty because the people who make my life so fucking beautiful are so far away. I'm not a cuddly person, but there are days when I just want to grab like, 5 of my very closest friends and dog pile with them... just to have the closeness. It's almost like I'm deprived or something. *lol*

I am a gypsy. A wanderer. A nomad. I need to accept this and the people in my life need to understand it. I am already thinking of where I am going to go from here. Am I going to stay in California? Go to Oregon? Maybe get CIDESCO certified and travel the world for a minute? I need to stop collecting junk because it is SO tiring to move it with me every time I get a hair up my ass to leave... and I need to stop getting so fucking close to people because, as I stated above, I love my friends very deeply and I hate leaving them.

I live in California now, so I am going to throw this out there for everyone who wasn't already aware of the fact. I smoke marijuana. I have for a very long time and I am not going to stop doing it now or any time soon. I used to take Zoloft for my anxiety and depression but I find smoking a bowl just works better for me. And who the HELL could NOT be anxiety ridden in this fucking world? Our world is scary and uncertain. But when I smoke, especially with my friends, I can slow down and stop focusing on all the violence and sadness and just BE HAPPY. I don't blow a ton of money on it. I don't smoke before I go to work or school. I am responsible. And if you have an issue with it, we just won't discuss it now will we? *lol*

GUYS SUCK. I don't think I need to elaborate here?

You know, oddly enough, this blog vomit has made me feel a little better. My heterosexual life mate should be calling me soon so I will spew the rest of it on her then, but for now, this has helped. I felt like my head was going to explode. Now. It's off to be a girl. I'm going to give myself a sweet pedicure, dye my bangs (if the fuckers would stop falling OUT!), play with some makeup, and listen to some rad music. Hell, I might even go sit in the sunshine in a dress... cuz California is just beautiful. <3

Two Months in California...

The two month mark will be on tuesday, but I'm going to go ahead and write this now because I'm sitting in my room with nothing better to do. LOL.

SO I am now on two months in glorious San Jose and I'm telling you, I love it here. I think I finally secured a job and honestly, taking a month to find one is not THAT bad. A month to find a job is not that bad at all actually. And it will be at Peet's Coffee and Tea which is fabulous because I know what I'm doing when it comes to caffeine. ;)

School is going really well. I feel as though I have found such a sweet calling... and I am making some really fantastic friends in class too, and that is always a bonus. I also have a boyfriend. His name is David and he is really sweet, totally kick ass, really laid back and easy going, and all around awesome sauce. He, like me, has a past he is in the middle of taking care of so we are pretty good support for one another. Plus, we have a lot in common... and a lot that we differ on so he keeps me on my toes. ^_^

Now, a lot of you are going to read this and be like "Whoa girl. You're still married and just left two months ago. WTF?" And to this I say... I am only married on paper. As sad as it may be, I realized a while ago that my heart just wasn't in my marriage anymore. Not to mention Travis HAS a girlfriend now too and she WAS a mutual friend of ours. Not gonna lie, that stung me just a little bit, but what can I say? I'm the one who left and I have absolutely no business judging what he does to find happiness, just like he has no say in mine either. We are still friends, we do not talk about certain things, and thats that. We never asked anyone to take sides nor will we ever... so everyone should just simmer down, accept that BOTH OF US have new romantic interests, and continue to be our friends. <3

I guess my only complaint right now is that it's stupid cold still and it's June! *lol*

After One Month in California...

Ok so I'm a few days early, but who cares right?

I moved to San Jose on April 7th with very few belongings and my dog. I had big huge plans and hopes and dreams... and I am proud to say that I am accomplishing them all. I enrolled into the Marinello School of Beauty to become an Esthetician and I LOVE it so far. The students in my class are really cool, my professor is awesome, and I am interested in EVERYTHING we are learning. Its so refreshing to sit in class and actually want to pay attention! And I am currently trying to find a part time job to supplement my little bills. I'm hoping that will happen soon because San Jose is fucking expensive. But I see why... there are flowers everywhere. Green trees everywhere. There is a TON of stuff to do! Santa Cruz is literally a half an hour away and San Francisco is about 40 minutes. Great America is right up in Santa Clara which happens to be where my school is too. I LOVE IT HERE. <3

That being said, I would not be making this so well if it wasn't for William, Jess, and Richard. William was kind enough to share his space with me, Jess was kind enough to be my friend almost instantly and give me a spot in the shop with her, and Richard has graciously provided means of transportation for me. I am now riding a little 125cc scooter around but believe you me... that little thing kicks ass. It takes MAYBE 3 bucks to fill it and I am all over the south bay area. If I can get there without getting on a freeway, I am good to go. And it is so much damn fun to ride! The breeze, smelling all the flowers... Oh and I joined a gym! Yes, yes I did. My first day was today and due to my ankle, I couldn't do much, but I did ride five miles and it felt glorious...

I am meeting amazing people. When I say amazing, I mean AMAZING! I can't believe some of the awesome people that have just dropped into my life. I can't wait to have all of my awesome friends back in Arizona meet my awesome friends here. And I feel closer to Arthur now more than ever. He is everywhere here. I know he is with us in our home, watching over the four of us, knowing that we still love him and he was the first thing we all had in common with one another.

I miss you all you know. I may be having a really good run out here, but I miss you all very very much. I miss my shop, I miss my clients, I miss my family... but this was something I needed to do. I know I made the right decision because this feels right. I feel happy. I feel content. I feel like I am on the right path. I know that even though I caused pain, I did the right thing. I hope that down the road, everyone will understand it and accept it... because I am doing this for myself and I am not giving it up for anyone.

Peace.

Super Bowl... It Should Be a Holiday.

Ah, Super Bowl Sunday. What a glorious day.

This is a day when friends and family can gather and eat disgusting amounts of amazing fried foods and scream like a pack of rabid hyenas at the tv screen and NOT feel any guilt or remorse whatsoever. Its a beautiful thing. So in honor of this glorious day, I am now going to post a few of my favorite recipes (all fried of course!) for you to enjoy on this, or any other day of the year.

Deep Fried Dill Pickles- These are just fucking delicious. Seriously. I've had spears and chips and I gotta tell ya, the chips are a much better option. They are easier to eat and they cool down much faster.

Crab Cakes- Um, hell yeah! Give me some tartar sauce and some lemon wedges and I'll nom some crab cakes. Just go easy on the onion yeah? Don't wanna overpower the amazingness of the crab...

 Deep Fried TWINKIE- No words are necessary here. Just know that if you can find a raspberry compote to dip it in, yer in for a heavenly experience.

 Deep Fried Pepperoni- I didn't include a recipe cuz this one is rather simple. They come out like delicious little chips of doom and taste great dipped in ranch.

 Deep Fried Mac and Cheese- This is the holy grail for me. Fried foods are a comfort food for most, and so is macaroni and cheese. Put the two together and BAM!... perfect chemistry. The only way to make this even better is to crumble some heavily smoked bacon and throw it in the mac and cheese before the frying occurs. Total perfection.

Now... I'm going to go cry because I'm trying really hard to cut back on my intake of these fried delights and writing this was utter torture.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday ya'll.

(go Steelers.) ;)

Tis The Season For a Puppy!

I've had a shitty couple of weeks but I've been able to overlook them a little due to our new puppy.

Her name is Jezebel and she is a pure bred blue pit bull.

As you all know, my old man dog Taz passed away fairly recently. The day he did, I was out working with Karyn and her horses at Doug's house to help ease my mind. Doug's neighbor Patty was over visiting and she informed me that her gorgeous pair of blue pit bulls had just had a litter and that I should come over and get some dog therapy. So... I did. I can never resist a pit bull, a blue especially. Make it a puppy and you have a recipe for one happy Taryn.

As I entered the house, I was greeted by the parents, Debo and Lilly. These pits were big, muscular, and so very sweet. I sat down on the floor and proceeded to let Debo give me as much love as he wanted to... which was a LOT. And then I focused on the puppies. They were all equally adorable but one caught my attention in particular. She was the biggest out of the litter and she had a white collar marking around her neck, white socks, and a tiny little white tip on her tail. I jokingly said I should take her... and thats how I got into this mess.

After watching them grow for the next 8 weeks and debating damn near daily, I ended up with this baby blue. And thanks to my very very dear friend, I did not have to provide a single thing to get her or to care for her.

She is huge for 8 weeks old! Her lines of course are what makes that happen... she is razors edge and gotti if I'm not mistaken. And she is in the process of being papered to prove it all which surprisingly enough makes me really happy. Her chest is very broad, she already has the faint tracings of rippling little muscles and ohmygawd her feet are massive. She is also ridiculously smart. Its kinda scary. Her first night home, she barely made a peep unless she needed to go to the bathroom... and in three days, she has only piddled on the carpet twice. She has now adjusted to using her puppy pads or just whining a bit until we take her outside. She also will try like hell to go poop in her spot even if she doesn't have to just to hear us tell her she is a good girl.

She understands a firm "NO" already and adheres to it. She only chews on her own toys. She goes into her kennel willingly to lay down. Oh and she is a firm believer in making your lap her bed. She is so unbelievably lovable and pretty gentle with her teeth for the most part... I mean, they're needle sharp and she LOVES to play, but she tries not to hurt you. I gotta give her that. And she is not scared of anything! She is totally an alpha dog.

Her little bark is precious (and hysterical) and my heart melts when she comes hauling ass towards me. Her immediate devotion to Travis and I is amazing too. She is such a little goofball that I can't help but laugh at her antics even when I'm feeling down... and when I broke down and bawled my heart out last night, she came running across the room, got right into my lap and fretted over me until I stopped.

So, in short, we are completely blessed to have her. She fit right in like she has always been there and I can't wait to see how gorgeous and intelligent this little blue gets as she grows. <3

Being Pierced and Tattooed Does Not Make Me Trash.

I am a body piercer. Its is my career, my profession, my art, and my life. I love what I do and I love the perks that come with it. Some of these perks include being able to collect tattoos from artists who do INCREDIBLE things using skin as their canvas, collecting piercings from friends in the industry, and hanging out with a REALLY amazing bad-ass crowd of people. These artists come from all walks of life and are really human beings... just like anyone else.

Sadly however, we are not usually treated like we are humans with feelings by certain people in society. People think its ok to judge us based on our adornments that we choose to decorate our bodies with. We are viewed as hooligans, felons, criminals, punks, assholes etc. and its depressing and wrong. So very, very wrong. I happen to know someone who is highly tattooed who, with his wife, took in recovering drug addicts and helped them get back on their feet. They did it with their own time, money and home. Or what about a friend of mine who is tattooed from head to toe who did those famous 56 stars on that girls face? Remember that story on the news? I can't even begin to tell you how nice that artist is... but notice how quickly people jumped to conclusions about him when a stupid girl ran her mouth.

I know that the mass of society is judgmental as it is towards anyone in general, but some of the looks and comments I have received because of what I do to my own body have hurt my feelings and taken down how I feel about people in general... which has never been very high in the first place. It doesn't help that I live in one of the highest ranked retirement communities and I constantly interact with the elderly either. I know they come from a different time and are "old fashioned" but what the hell ever happened to "Live and Let Live"?

Its not just the elderly either. I have had lots of curious looks and questions from children. I am enchanted and happy to talk to them until their parent takes a look at me and runs in the other direction with their kid in tow. They are teaching them to be closed-minded just like they are. Its a vicious cycle and I could stand on my soap-box all day and scream until I'm blue in the face... but it will never change. We thrive on thinking we are better than others. We feel we are better than others so we judge them and feel no shame. We teach our children to shun others who are different because we are scared of what we don't understand. But just because I choose to be be a living breathing canvas for artists does not mean I am a bad person.

However, this would be a depressing post if I didn't touch base on some of the amazing people I've encountered right?

I played a "magic trick" with my septum ring on a 4 year old in Petsmart while talking to her very kind mother. Her entertainment with my ability to hide my septum ring was adorable. I had an elderly woman fall in love with my sleeve because the colors were so beautiful. I have had an insane amount of kind and polite questions on my dermal anchors and how they are done. I have had countless compliments on all of my art and it gives me a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling inside. I can see the change. I can see the acceptance starting to outshine the hate and misunderstanding... I guess I'm just impatient. I wish more people would see that this is not going away. This is part of our evolution. We can modify ourselves so we can appear outside how we feel inside... and there is nothing wrong with choosing to do so. There are police officers with ampallangs, teachers with nipple piercings, doctors with tattoos hidden low on their hips... body modification is slowly creeping up in this world and I am so happy to be a main part of the revolution.

I will hold the door open for you at the store, even if you look at me like I am a freak. I will respond to your questions about my work with kindness even if you tell me that they are ugly or I would be "so much prettier" without them. I will give random smiles to strangers and watch my sailor-mouth in front of their children because believe it or not, I have a profound sense of respect. I am NOT trash. I AM a human being with feelings and hopes and disappointments. I feel love, sadness, despair, happiness and pain. I have a voice. I am a human. Just like you.

2 Cell Phones In Six Years Makes For Vicious Phone Envy.

I got my first cell phone when I was 18. I was out on my own, I bought and paid for it myself, and I was elated. This was amazing! I could text my friends and take glorified pictures of myself and put them online! I could call anyone I wanted because the power of communication was MINE!!! I mean, it was only a little flippy-nugget phone, but I adored it. And I took excellent care of it. Such good care in fact that it lasted me three years.

And around that mark, I started to get antsy for a new phone. There were now cuter flip phones with better color options and graphics and dammit, I needed one. So I got my Katana 2. Much to my then-boyfriend-now-husband's dismay, this phone was pink as pink could be so he refused to use it ever. He finally caved and got his own phone but thats a whole 'nother story. Anyway, I now had this adorable pink thing that did everything my previous phone did only just a little better and I was happy.

And that brings us to now. In the last three years, phone technology has advanced so quickly that my poor little pink phone quickly became outdated and old... but I still hung on to it because I take damn good care of my electronics and it still did everything I needed it to. Plus I was quite broke and couldn't afford a new one. So I sat back and developed the most awful phone envy. Everyone I knew had this awesome phone that had apps and high MP cameras and FULL keyboards! FULL KEYBOARDS!!!

Finally, my cousin Nathan saved me. He works for Sprint (who has been my carrier for 6 years) and has this nifty option to add his family members to his account... which means I get to be whole-heartedly spoiled rotten! He worked his magic and a few days later, I was the over-joyed owner of a glorious HTC Evo 4G.

This phone is fucking amazing. It has two cameras. One is on the front and it is meant for self-portraits and video chat. The other camera is an 8MP double flash camera that takes some fan-freaking-tastic pictures.

It has apps. I have applications that use my camera to scan barcodes on products then search the web AND local areas for that product and its prices. I have a bank app... so I can be more financially responsible. (bwahahaha!) I have navigation apps so I never get lost ever again, horoscope apps, streaming radio stations that play music personalized to ME, soundboards from my favorite shows and movies, apps that show you every star in the sky when you point it upwards, apps that tell me what movies are playing in my local area and what time they are showing, a sound machine to fall asleep to... the possibilities are ENDLESS with this thing.

The games... omg. Have you ever played Angry Birds? If you have, you'll understand my excitement. What about Alchemy? Or how about a rousing round of scrabble with either your friends or some random person across the country that you can chat with? Hundreds of sudoku puzzles at my fingertips... word search, mahjjong, pinball, and hundreds of other crazy games to help you pass the time.

I am connected with everyone. I can check my facebook, my email, keep chat windows for each individual contact in my phone, AND talk to people on the phone WHILE I am doing other things on it.

How the hell did I ever live without this thing? My two phones before this were wonderful and may they rest in peace... but OHEMGEE I love this phone/life accessory.