Your Duckface Sucks. Knock It Off.

In the last year or so, there has been an alarming increase of "duckface" pictures on the interwebz. You know the ones... where the person looks like they just sucked on a rank lemon wedge or got punched by Andre The Giant in their pooper? Mmhmm... those people are either blind or stupid.

I'm betting on the latter.

Are they really so fucking full of themselves that they think pursing their lips makes them "sexy"? YES! I'm going to paint the whole area around my eyes black, spray paint myself orange, throw some super shimmery white lipstick on my lips and pinch those babies up so they look like they belong on a 90 year old woman and BAM! I'm sexy as hell.

Ok, maybe they are blind.

This epidemic is spreading through the masses of males in our society as well. But why? Are men really starting to cross over into being women? Given the plague of skin tight, bright colored clothing items, eyeliner, and giant sparkly hoop earrings that they have started to wear, I'm thinking so. Making a duckface while you take a picture of yourself in your bathroom with your smartphone doesn't make you cool dude... it makes you look gay. Like literally homosexual. (Which I do NOT have any issue with... unless you are NOT gay but you LOOK gay... then you just look dumb on top of everything else).

Oh.My.GAWD. I just pulled that little gem of a picture off Google Images and honestly... I can't stop laughing. Good grief, give it 50 years and there will be no more gender identification.  Everyone will look the same with that god awful duckface and the only way you will be able to tell is by actually looking at their naked crotch. Of course, given the theory of evolution, I'm sure in the next hundred years or so, the penis will slowly begin to creep back up into the body, dragging the testicles with it... thus exterminating human life on this planet. So stop being so damn girlie boys... or you're going to kill off mankind. Do you want that kind of blood on your hands? I don't think you do.

I got a little off subject here. Duckface. Yes. Its disgusting. Its vile. It makes you look absolutely fucking RIDICULOUS.

STOP IT.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

STOP junking up our already junked-up internet with pictures of yourself that you think look sexy when really you just look like a surprised stroke victim.

And if you are one of my friends and you have a duckface picture (or more than one) you had better remove it. Because I will find it. And I will make fun of you for it. I will badger you until you remove it. And you will thank me for saving you. Consider yourself warned.

This is war people. Whose side are you on?

 (DAMMIT! KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF!!!)